Get me I'm blogging again! How many blogs does it take before you stop feeling like you're doing something a bit daring? Or do I just not get out much?
Anyway the last blog concentrated a lot on the past and the history of the last few years. In this one I wanted to cover some stuff about my job and why doing my job more on my terms is something that has become very important to me.
I am a solicitor specialising in family law. This means that my working life deals with people's relationship breakdowns and disputes arising out of that about money, property and children. At times it's a hard job. It's hard to deal with it without getting emotionally involved and whilst you try to be impartial teflon and let things slide away it's hard not to have days where you're a sponge soaking up other people's problems. I have found it increasingly hard to deal with disputes concerning children since having my own children - especially where they concern young children like mine. I've had a couple of cases that have literally kept me away at night.
I work part time and now work 3 days a week. As any working parent will tell you it's hard work balancing the needs of your job and the needs of your children. It's even harder when the nature of your job is that you have responsibilities that need to be shouldered regardless of what day it is and what else you have on. It was easier when I had a head of department who ultimately shouldered the responsibility. But since my boss left I am the most senior person in my department and so I feel it's unfair to leave things with less experienced and less qualified people even though it's not a day I work on. There are days when I feel that I'm a victim of my own success. If I had not got the job I had and had worked in a lesser paid job then I wouldn't have been able to make money working and paying for childcare. So I wouldn't have to deal with these dilemmas. Most days I try to remember that I am fortunate to have a good job that earns me good money and enables me to assist people with their problems (not always easy to count your blessings though, is it?).
The problem is that it's got harder and harder to actually see that I'm making a difference. I believe passionately that anybody going through a relationship breakdown should be encouraged to deal with matters in a dignified, sensible way and as amicably as possible. Don't get me wrong I'm not some sanctimonious preacher telling everyone what to do from my ivory tower. I just know from experience that if you can do it in that way it will assist you all in the future and, above all, you will save money. It might come as a shock to people that some lawyers try not to run up huge bills for their clients but I really don't believe it's anybody's interest for me to get them into debt.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try to persuade people they are determine to fight about things. Sometimes it's about really important stuff like making sure children are properly cared for when they're with the other parent, or making sure somebody has enough money to keep a roof over their head. These are all important, worthwhile things that need to be sorted out and it's my job to make that happen.
Other times it's not about worthwhile things. Sometimes I spend days of my life arguing about whether children should be collected by the other parent at 10 a.m. or 10.30 a.m. Or I find myself making phone calls saying that my client will not agree to them having the flat screen TV in the bedroom and despite my very best efforts hundreds of pounds of fees are being spent on a TV that was £500 new 2 years ago. Sometimes it's because people can't see the wood for the trees and are hell bent on getting revenge. Sometimes it's because the other solicitor I'm dealing with isn't advising their client properly and if one spouse tries to fight for something trivial often the other one will then want a fight too. It's this kind of thing that gets me down more than anything.
I have more and more become convinced that mediation is the way forward in the vast majority of cases. This is where the people separating sit down in a room with an independent third party who attempts to help them reach an agreement about all the issues they have. The mediator doesn't advise them but just guides the discussions. In many, many cases the people reach an agreement much more quickly than they would using solicitors to negotiate, they have spent less money and at the end of the process they are still talking and able to talk to each other about arrangements for their children going into the future.
Don't get me wrong it won't work for everybody and it works on two people playing fair with each other which is not always the case.
This year I will be qualifying as a mediator. It's a fairly intensive 8 days course and I will probably be a dribbling wreck by the end of it but more and more I see my professional future doing mediation. For the reasons I have outlined above and also for the following reasons:
1. I believe mediation will work better around my children as there is not the same level of work surrounding it outside of appointments which makes it easier to manage and pick up and put down.
2. I have in the past suffered with stress problems and depression and I find that sometimes I am just absorbing client's problems and issues and this gets me down enormously and it also means that I am simply not able to function as an effective advisor.
3. A change is as good as a rest, they say, and I have wanted to change my working life for so long. I'm still passionate about family law but I just don't feel that the way I do it currently is fulfilling me as a lawyer or a person or serving client's best interests. If money was no issue I would actually love to become a writer but given that that would take years to generate any hope of an income I have to focus on my current skill set!
4. I have for some time felt I am getting bogged down in issues where I work and mediation potentially gives me the option to run my own mediation business where I will completely control my working life and it's success or failure will fall on my head and no one else's. As a control freak - that appeals to me enormously!!
So that's hopefully work for me in 2012. Watch this space........
Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I think there are a lot of parents out there who are no longer the same person they were pre-children. And if you can find something else to do that pays the bills and stresses you less then how can that be wrong?
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