In search of the elusive work/life balance

Having just spent a lovely few days away with OH and our 2 children my thoughts have turned a lot to the perfect work/life balance.  This is, in many respects, a search for the holy grail and I think the correct balance varies for each person and family so it's a difficult thing to get advice on.  That said I'd always appreciate any tips and advice from anyone!

On the face of it I don't do too badly as I work 3 days a week.  It used to be 2 days but I upped my days last year when my son started school and my daughter was nearly 2 because somebody at work left and they needed more bods in the office (and I thought I'd get a promotion but that never happened).  On 2 of the days I work I leave the office in time to pick my son up from school (in order to do this I start work at 8 a.m.).  My work are generally fairly flexible and I can alter hours on some days and I don't tend to get grief if I'm off work because one of the children is ill.  But that said I pretty much always do work on days that I'm not in and last week when I was on holiday I was dealing with e-mails every day.  Also, when one of my children is ill I do always go into the office for a brief period of time to ensure everything is OK.  So I still feel as if work takes over my life but that's probably more about a failing of my boundaries than work itself.  I also work 29 miles away from my house and the travelling time eats into my work and home time.  But I'm very conscious that I'm unlikely to get the same level of flexibility at any other firm.  The law is not a particularly flexible or family friendly profession despite effots being made in some quarters.  Many people I've comea cross believe you can't do a fee earning job part time.

So I'm at home 2 days a week with my children as well as at the weekend.  That's over 50% of the week.  But yet I still feel that I don't spend enough time with them.  My son is at school in the week which really dramatically limits the quality time that we have.  Plus during those 2 days in the week I'm also trying to get through a mountain of laundry and ensure that my house doesn't look like a bomb's gone off.  Admitedly I have quite high standards on the domestic front and I don't like to live in mess, I like us to all have clean clothes and my children to eat good, home cooked food.  I also never send my son to school in uniform that isn't ironed or cleaned (although I iron little else).  It would be fair to say that I am my own worst enemy and that I often wish I could let go and just not care about the mess or the washing but I really do not know how to let go.  Apparently people telling you to let go 40 million times doesn't just have some magic effect.  Who knew!

I am also extremely fortunate in that my OH sometimes only works a 4 day week so he is then at home to assist with domestic stuff plus I do have a cleaner for 2 hours a week so whatever happens I know the bathroom has been cleaned and the hoover has gone round the house.

So I do know that I am extremely lucky with the help that I have.  But I still don't feel that I have got the balance right.  I don't think I spend enough time reading with my son who is in reception class.  I feel I am stressed and snappy with my children a lot of the time.  I am already having to change annual leave days because I've booked off my whole annual leave entitlement and still not completely covered school holidays (not helped by my Mum who helps us out enormously being away on an extended holiday.  Don't get me wrong I in no way begrudge her a long holiday and I've said she should definitely go but I have to find extra childcare for a couple of months).  Obviously I can request parental leave in addition to my holiday but that's unpaid and that in itself causes issues.

For me I have never really thought that I wouldn't work after having children (and I firmly believe that each parent/family makes a decision about what's best for them.  There is no right answer).  This is, in the main, a financial decision.  OH and I could simply not make ends meet on one salary.  But outside of this I do like to do something that uses my brain and gives me some form of intellectual stimulation and makes me feel that I achieve something for me.  But if money wasn't a problem I would absolutely do something else so I could spend more time with my children.  Being away for the last few days was just brilliant.  We walked on the beach.  We had nice lunches and being away meant I wasn't tied up with laundry, or housework, I could just play and that's magical.  Whilst during the week there is play time and fun time it never feels like enough and I worry constantly about whether I'm doing the right thing by my children.

I know that I'm not alone in feeling like this.  I have spoken to lots of other working mums who feel similarly.  I also know that being a SAHM comes with its own issues and the grass is not always greener. I really don't know what else I can do.  To work less days has financial implications that we cannot currently afford.  The obvious solution is to work for myself as that would give me greater flexibility and an ability to better manage school holidays.  But I don't want to practise on my own as a solicitor.  I lack the confidence and I don't want that level of responsibility.  I don't want to be tied to a business in that way.  I'm also mindful of the fact that it can take some time for new business to pay their way and I can't afford to be without my income for any month.

So for the moment the obvious answer seems to be to chill out more and enjoy what time I have with the children.  It's not really a long term solution (or maybe I'm looking at it wrong).  The problem is that as a life long stresshead with exacting standards I really don't know how to achieve this.  But in the absence of any other solution it seems I need to learn.  So any tips greatly appreciated. Any advice on going with the flow, letting things slide and your views on the work/life balance will be welcome.